What Is Reparenting?

In a perfect world, everyone would grow up with loving parents or caregivers. They would experience the right amount of emotional and physical attention, support, and nurturing. They would form secure bonds and attachments from an early age that would allow them to feel that sense of security in all relationships as they grow.

Unfortunately, we all know we don’t live in that world. Far too often, the emotional and physical needs of children aren’t met. It can lead to serious psychological issues later in life, impacting relationships, personal views, and so much more.

That’s why the practice of reparenting has become increasingly popular as a way to heal emotional childhood wounds.

Let’s take a closer look at reparenting, what it really is, and how you can use it to give yourself the care you deserved as a child.

What Does Reparenting Really Mean?

The concept of reparenting isn’t new. It’s been around in some form since the 1970s, though has undergone changes over the years. Today, most reparenting is considered self-reparenting. It focuses on the idea that if you had unmet emotional or physical needs as a child, you can essentially give yourself what your caregivers did not.

Maybe you had a caregiver who lacked affection, made you feel unsafe, or didn’t provide structure in your life. As an adult, you can learn new ways to harness those things yourself. You’ll develop a greater sense of self and learn how to foster healthy relationships along the way. Ultimately, the goal is to achieve whatever you were lacking in childhood due to your parent or caregiver.

Why Reparenting Can Be Helpful

Reparenting can be impactful for anyone who experienced a childhood with unmet needs. Maybe you’ve tried to repress some of those negative memories, but they’ve led to unhealthy habits as an adult.

With that being said, reparenting can be helpful if you’re trying to overcome those unhealthy patterns. Maybe you have trouble communicating effectively, or your own insecurities tend to sabotage relationships.

By breaking down negative patterns that stem from childhood, you’re able to learn healthier, more effective ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

Reparenting gives you the opportunity to learn what healthy communication looks like, as well as healthy relationships. Most importantly, you’ll learn how to better understand and express your emotions. Not only will that improve your sense of self, but it will make it easier to understand others, especially when it comes to relationships.

What to Expect

The process of reparenting takes time. After all, you’re trying to break patterns and habits that began years ago. But you don’t have to do it on your own. Even if you’re considering self-reparenting, consider working with a therapist to help guide you through the process.

Keep in mind that part of the process will likely include looking back on painful experiences from childhood. If you’ve been trying to avoid or ignore those experiences, this can be a difficult journey—but it’s a necessary first step in the healing process.

In addition to looking back on where the negative patterns came from, you’ll learn how to exchange them for healthier habits that can completely change the way you see yourself and those around you. Be patient with yourself, show self-compassion and kindness, and keep your expectations realistic. If you’re frustrated with your progress or run into bumps in the road due to negative thought patterns, talk things through with your therapist.

You don’t have to live with the effects of attachment issues or unmet needs from childhood forever. Reparenting is a great way to break the cycle of negativity that’s likely had a hold on your life for too long. If you’re interested in learning more, please contact us for information about trauma therapy or to set up an appointment.

Fostering a Positive Self-Image in Teens

The teenage years can be difficult. Teens go through a lot that you might not think about. They’re dealing with hormonal and bodily changes. They’re trying to fit in, socially, while staying true to themselves. On top of that, they’re learning who they really are and who they want to be. 

Add in academic pressure and worries about what they might do in the future, and it’s no wonder so many teens struggle with mental health issues — including poor self-image. 

Promoting a sense of mental well-being for the teenager in your life is important. It will teach them how to prioritize their mental health at an early age. If you notice that your teen is struggling specifically with self-image, there are things you can do to help them change their perspective, too. 

Let’s look at a few different ways you can foster a positive self-image in teens. 

Validate Their Feelings

Even if your teen is dealing with negative feelings, it’s important that they feel seen, heard, and understood. 

Let them know their feelings are valid. Talk to them about better understanding where those feelings come from. When they know what’s causing a negative self-image, they’ll be able to start fighting back against it. It will also give you a better idea of how to help them work through things. 

Validation is key in letting them know that their feelings matter — including the negative ones. 

Avoid Comparisons

It’s human nature to compare ourselves to other people. Unfortunately, that seems to be an even bigger problem for teens, especially in this social media-filled world. 

Encourage your teen to be self-compassionate and kind to themselves. Help them avoid comparisons by limiting social media time and instead having them focus on their strengths and positive qualities. 

Positive affirmations each day can help your teen recognize their value and worth. They’ll start to see everything they have to offer that’s unique and specific to them, so they’ll be less likely to stick to comparisons of other people. 

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be used for more than just anxiety. It’s a great way for teens to pause and start thinking about how they can respond to negative thoughts in a positive, productive way. 

It’s not uncommon for teenagers to be impulsive of make quick decisions without thinking things through. By encouraging mindfulness, you can help your teen slow down to look at the reality of a situation. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to keep negative self-talk from creeping in. 

Be a Positive Role Model

It might not always seem like your teenager is watching you, but they are. You are still the first person they look to when it comes to how they should live their life. 

So, make sure you’re living yours with a positive self-image. Don’t put yourself down or focus on the negative things about yourself you want to change. Show confidence and self-compassion, and avoid comparing yourself to others. 

By being a positive self-image role model, you’ll give your teen a blueprint for how they can see themselves in a better light without letting external factors change their perspective. 

Self-Care

Self-care looks different for everyone, especially depending on the stage of life you’re in. For a teenager, it might include getting enough sleep, staying physically active, journaling, or meditating. 

Self-care is a great way to encourage mental wellness at any age. It can help to reduce your teen’s stress while allowing them to foster a positive self-image. When they recognize they’re worthy of daily self-care, they’re more likely to feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. 

If you’re concerned that your teen is still struggling with self-image issues, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Again, encouraging mental wellness now can go a long way for your teen’s future. Contact me for more information or to set up an appointment for family counseling soon. 

How Ignoring Communication Issues Can Harm a Couple

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Most people understand its importance, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they prioritize it. Some people even choose to ignore communication issues within their relationship. 

While you might be able to sweep those issues under the rug for a while, it’s not a sustainable practice. 

If you’re dealing with communication issues in your relationship and trying to ignore them, you could end up doing more harm than good. Let’s dig a little deeper into the problems you could be causing, and what you can do to fix those underlying problems. 

Mental Health Issues

A lack of healthy communication in your relationship can lead to a variety of mental health concerns. First, you and your partner might start to assume the worst about yourselves, each other, and your relationship as a whole. These assumptions, misconceptions, and misunderstandings can lead to anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. 

When you fall victim to mental health issues — especially depression — your relationship can start to feel hopeless. You might think that things will never get better, or that your partnership is doomed to fail. 

Anxiety, on the other hand, can make you hypervigilant in your relationship. You might start changing who you are in an attempt to “hang on” to your partner. These behaviors aren’t healthy for anyone, and they’ll end up harming your relationship even more. 

Lack of Growth

Maybe you try to ignore communication issues because you’ve been with your partner for a long time and assume you should just stick to the status quo. 

But, relationships aren’t meant to be static. 

People grow and change over time, and your relationship should do the same. If you’re ignoring communication issues or aren’t talking to each other about your needs and wants, your relationship is going to become stagnant. There will be no opportunity for growth, and you might grow to resent each other. 

Isolation

Some people try to ignore communication issues because they don’t want to rock the boat. Maybe you don’t like confrontation. Maybe you’re not sure exactly how to bring up certain issues. 

Unfortunately, by trying to avoid conflict, you’re likely going to end up making yourself and your partner feel more isolated and lonely. 

Even the healthiest, happiest couples argue and have disagreements. We’re not always supposed to think the exact same way. Conflicts can be healthy when you choose to approach them with respect. Arguing can strengthen your bond and make you feel closer, while ignoring issues can make you both feel like you’re in separate corners of the ring. 

When you ignore communication issues, it becomes difficult to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. So, even though you’re technically in a relationship, you’re likely to start doing more things on your own. 

Types of Communication Issues

Communication issues go deeper than just not expressing yourself fully. One of you could be passive-aggressive. Someone might constantly use generalized statements or play the blame game. Ignoring these issues will only make matters worse. You’ll start to feel bad about yourself, and wonder if there’s any way to change things, and it might even start to be the downfall of your relationship. 

Of course, addressing communication issues when you’ve been ignoring them for a long time is easier said than done. Don’t assume you have to tackle it on your own. 

Counseling is a great way to get to the bottom of those issues and learn where they stem from. Once they’re out in the open in a safe, neutral setting, you can work together as a couple with your counselor to put healthy, effective communication strategies in place. You might be surprised by how quickly things change, and how much stronger your relationship feels. 

If you’re ready to stop sweeping your communication issues under the rug, contact me today to set up an appointment for couples counseling. 

5 Signs Your Family Could Benefit from Therapy

Many people think of therapy as an individual experience, and it certainly can be. Working one-on-one with a therapist is a great way to deal with underlying mental health issues while learning how to prioritize your well-being. 

But, family therapy can also be beneficial. 

You might joke about having a “dysfunctional” family, or think that everyone’s family has their own issues. That might be true, to an extent. But, there are some clear signs that the problems in your family run deeper. If you’ve never considered family therapy before, it might be time to start, especially if the issues within your family unit are impacting your well-being. 

With that in mind, let’s look at a few signs your family could benefit from therapy, so you can take action. 

1. Constant Conflict

Families are made up of different personalities. You’re going to butt heads and deal with conflict at times. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. 

If you’re able to work through your conflicts in healthy, effective ways, they can actually strengthen your family unit and make you closer. But, if there are frequent arguments and no one seems willing to compromise or see any perspective but their own, it’s a sign that therapy could be necessary.

2. Communication Issues

Healthy communication is essential in relationships — including familial ones. 

Maybe certain family members feel like they aren’t being heard, or that their feelings are being validated. Maybe you’re dealing with different communication styles and it’s causing tension. Some people might have a hard time truly listening and understanding what others are trying to say. 

Communication issues can wreak havoc on a family, but they can also often be remedied with the right kind of professional help.

3. Life Changes

Everyone deals with life transitions. Maybe it’s a big move to a new location, a job change, a divorce, or a death in the family. Whether the change is good or bad, it can cause stress within a family. Everyone handles stress differently, and your coping strategies might clash. 

Therapy can help your family work through major life changes together. Instead of trying to cope and move forward on your own, you can lean on one another, learn how to express your feelings and needs, and move forward together.

4. Behavioral Issues

Family therapy isn’t just for adults. If your child is acting out or you’re dealing with behavioral issues, therapy can help you learn how to manage them while prioritizing your mental health and wellness. 

If you’re willing to let your child work with a therapist, they can learn more about what’s causing their negative thoughts and feelings, as well as healthy ways to cope rather than acting out. Teaching your children from a young age how to manage their mental well-being can be extremely beneficial for their futures.

5. Blended Families

According to the Census Bureau, about 40% of families in the United States are blended. There’s often no reason why blended families can’t get along and live harmoniously with each other. But, that doesn’t mean there will never be issues. 

Blended families can deal with cultural differences, different parenting styles, and more. Therapy can help your blended family better understand each other so you can all work together to create a new, strong unit. If you’re clashing or having problems with your children coming together, therapy can make a difference. 

If you’ve never considered family therapy before, it’s not a bad time to start. If any of the issues here sound familiar, your family could likely benefit from working with a professional. Don’t hesitate to contact me for more information about family therapy or to set up an appointment soon. 

Preventing Burnout in Athletes: The Role of Counseling

As an athlete, you already know the importance of keeping your body in top condition. You stay healthy by eating right, staying physically active, and participating in preventative care with doctors and specialists. 

But, it’s just as essential to take preventative action when it comes to your mental well-being. Many athletes will argue that performance is just as much about mental fortitude as physical skill. 

Athletes aren’t immune to a variety of mental health issues, including burnout. When you’re putting hours into your sport each day and centering your life around being in top shape and excelling, it can cause fatigue, a lack of motivation or passion, or even eventual resentment toward your activity. 

If you’ve never considered counseling as a way to prevent burnout, now is the time. 

What Are the Signs of Burnout? 

Perhaps the most obvious sign of burnout for an athlete is decreased performance. You might start to notice that your stamina isn’t what it used to be, or you simply don’t feel as strong. However, there are other signs to pay attention to. 

Other physical signs of burnout include fatigue, muscle aches and pains, high blood pressure, and difficulty sleeping. 

You might also experience some mental and emotional symptoms. Athletes dealing with burnout can lose motivation and struggle with low self-esteem. You might feel helpless, and detached, and develop a lack of interest in your sport. 

Maybe you’re under a lot of stress to perform well, or maybe your training regimen has become too overwhelming. You might even be struggling with a lot of pressure, or feel like you’re “trapped” in your sport. There are plenty of things that can lead to burnout, but understanding the signs if the first step to getting the help you deserve. 

How to Deal With Burnout

Physical training is likely second nature to you. But, what can you do to manage burnout? Start by identifying the negative thought patterns causing it. What’s inhibiting your performance, and why? 

Next, practice self-care. While eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep are important, it’s essential to focus on your mental care, too. Try things like mindfulness, meditation, journaling, or deep breathing exercises to help with stress and anxiety. 

It’s also a good idea to find ways to boost your self-esteem. Burnout can cause you to doubt yourself, especially if your performance starts to struggle. Focus on your strengths, visualize victories, and improve your focus to see the best version of yourself. 

How Counseling Can Help

While self-care strategies can help with burnout symptoms, getting to the root cause and learning how to better prevent burnout in the future will make the biggest difference in your recovery. Counseling is one of the best ways to accomplish that. 

A counselor will address your personal needs and struggles. They’ll make it easier for you to understand why you’re experiencing burnout. While it’s not always easy to uncover those challenges, it’s a necessary first step. 

Counseling can also help to improve your emotional regulation. The more you’re able to understand and process your emotions, the less heavy they’ll feel. That can be a difficult thing to do on your own, so let a counselor teach you some of the most effective ways to prioritize emotional regulation. 

Finally, a counselor can help you navigate any other mental health issues that might be contributing to burnout. Whether you’re struggling with stress, dealing with depression, or you’re antsy with anxiety, counseling can help with deeper understanding and symptom management. 

Don’t let burnout get in the way of your performance or your future. If you’re interested in learning more about how sports counseling can help, contact me to set up an appointment soon. 

Exploring Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety Relief

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common and effective treatments for anxiety. While people can struggle with different symptoms and severities, CBT helps by breaking down negative thought patterns and making it easier to take control of your mental well-being. 

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health conditions in the world. As such, there are a variety of different treatment and symptom management options to consider. 

If you’ve been on the fence about CBT or simply want to learn more, let’s dig a bit deeper into what you can expect, and whether CBT is right for you. 

What Is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

CBT is a type of talk therapy that focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are all connected and work together. When you’re dealing with negative thoughts associated with anxiety, all of those things can start to become tangled, making you feel like you’re trapped within a vicious cycle. 

The goal of CBT is to help you break down the negative issues you’re facing so they’re smaller and less overwhelming. When you’re able to do that, you can start to take control over your anxious thoughts and break free from the negative patterns causing fear and worry. Not only will you feel more in control, but you’ll be able to restructure your thought process into something more positive and productive. 

What Are CBT Techniques for Anxiety?

Cognitive restructuring is a common technique therapists will often use to help with anxiety. It can be a very personal experience depending on the type of anxiety you tend to struggle with. For example, maybe you always assume the worst. Or, maybe you’re fearful of social situations. 

Those fears can impact your behaviors and become worse without some kind of reframing process. 

Your therapist will help you by encouraging you to challenge negative thoughts. You might not even know why you have certain fears or worries. Challenging them will make it easier to understand the cause of your anxiety so you can gain more power over it. 

Some therapists might have you keep a journal to record your thoughts. Journaling is a great way to make you feel more connected to your anxious thoughts so you can better understand them. Journaling can also make it easier to figure out how to replace anxious thoughts with positive ones. It serves as a tangible way to track your progress and see how far you’ve come as you continue with treatment. 

Learning to Relax

During your CBT sessions, you might also go through a few behavioral experiments. Your therapist might offer you a hypothetical situation to consider, so you can either talk about or write down your fears. They might ask you about the worst-case scenario of that situation. Then, you can talk things through and decide what you would do if that worst-case scenario were to happen. This exercise helps you feel more in control. It can make you realize that your fears might not always be based in reality. 

A CBT therapist can also help with relaxation techniques. Learning to relax on your own is one of the best ways to manage the daily symptoms of anxiety. Things like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and meditation are all fantastic ways to reduce stress, feel more relaxed, and ground yourself in the present rather than worrying about the “what ifs” of the future. 

Just because anxiety is a common condition doesn’t mean you have to live with it forever. If you’re interested in learning more about CBT and how it can help, feel free to set up an appointment or call for a consultation for anxiety treatment. 

The Role of Therapy in Building Teenage Resilience

Building resilience in the teenage years is more crucial than most people realize. As a parent or caregiver, you already have a lot on your plate when it comes to how to guide your teen, but helping them foster resilience now will make it easier for them to face challenges and keep moving forward as young adults and beyond.

There are many ways to help your teen build resilience. But, therapy can play a big role. Not only will it teach your teen how to prioritize their mental health from an early age, but it can build problem-solving skills and improve their self-awareness and confidence. 

Let’s take a closer look at the role of therapy in building teenage resilience. 

Teens and Mental Health

It can be hard to look at your teen and consider that they might be struggling with their mental health. But, think about everything on their plate. Teenagers have to deal with hormonal and physical changes while navigating relationships, thinking about school, and considering their futures. 

On top of those “normal” everyday worries, we’re living in a world with political unrest, wars, cyberbullying, and more. Today’s teens have been through a global pandemic, and continue to face challenges in the aftermath of COVID. 

So, your teen’s mental health is nothing to take lightly. Consider how resilient they have already had to be when faced with so many challenges, big and small. Now is a great time to step in as a parent, and offer a helping hand with therapy. 

How Does Therapy Help With Resilience?

Therapy can benefit your teenager in a variety of ways. If they’re struggling with their mental well-being, a therapist can help them understand where those issues are coming from. Therapy will also teach your teen healthy strategies to cope with those issues. 

Even if your teenager doesn’t seem to be struggling, therapy can help with emotion management, problem-solving, and coping with challenges. You can’t protect your teen from every challenge and hurdle. It’s important to let them fail sometimes. But, it’s their resiliency that will help them get back up and try again as they journey toward adulthood. 

Teaching Healthy Techniques

Therapy can also teach your teen techniques like mindfulness. Mindfulness has become a bit of a buzzword lately, but it’s highly effective when done the right way. 

Mindfulness is the practice of staying grounded in the present. Anxiety is regularly fueled by the “what ifs” of the world. If your teen is facing a challenge, they might start to worry about what will happen if they fail, or what they will do to keep going. 

Mindfulness will help them stay focused on the here and now, rather than worrying about what’s ahead or focusing on past failures. With a few simple breathing techniques, they can reduce stress and move forward, no matter what. 

The Role of Acceptance

In addition to mindfulness, therapy can also help your teen with acceptance. Teenagers don’t have fully formed prefrontal cortexes. As a result, it’s not always easy for them to see the big picture of things. So, if something goes wrong in their lives, it can feel overwhelming, and they might have a hard time seeing past it. 

Therapy can help your teen with acceptance — understanding that they will have challenges and failures, but they can learn from them and move forward. 

Family therapy is a great way for your teen to start prioritizing their mental health. They’ll learn healthy coping skills, be in better touch with their emotions, and build resiliency every step of the way. If you’re ready to set up an appointment for your teen, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Building Stronger Relationships: A Guide for Couples

Even the happiest, most successful relationships take work. As a couple, building a stronger relationship over months and years should be something both you and your partner prioritize.  Thankfully, it’s easier than you might think. By focusing on consistently strengthening your relationship, you’re likely to enjoy benefits like increased intimacy, trust, and even better communication. 

With that in mind, let’s take a look at a few strategies you can put into practice right away to build a stronger relationship and enjoy the fruits of your efforts for a long time. 

Prioritize Communication

Again, one of the benefits of a strong relationship is better communication. But, it also requires you to put effort into your communication skills so you know how to interact with each other. Communication should be a top priority in any relationship. It helps to eliminate assumptions and uncertainties. It makes your needs and wants clear, and can make it easier to work out disagreements in healthy, effective ways. 

Strong communication is a two-way street. While it’s important to clearly express yourself, you also have to choose to be an active listener. Lead with respect and eliminate distractions when discussing things with your partner. When both of you prioritize communication, you’re more likely to show vulnerability, which will boost trust and intimacy throughout your relationship. 

Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude

What are some of the things about your relationship that you’re most grateful for? Does your partner know how you feel about them? 

It’s easy to focus on the negative things that might pop up in a relationship. Maybe you don’t like that your partner leaves their muddy shoes by the door or the long hours they work. No one is perfect and no matter how much you love someone, you’re not going to like everything they do. 

But, instead of focusing on the negative things, choose to be grateful for the positive points of your relationship. What about your partner are you grateful for? What do they do that makes your life better or easier? 

When you both focus on your relationship with gratitude at the forefront, you can enjoy fewer disagreements and a better attitude toward each other. 

Spend Time Together

There’s no denying we live in a busy world. You and your partner might have stressful schedules, and you might fall into habits that leave you both distracted, even when you’re technically together. If you want to strengthen your relationship, focus on being present with each other when you have time together.

More importantly, make time. Even if you have to schedule a designated date night once a week to break up your routine and slow down your schedules, make it happen. 

Prioritizing time together will help both of you understand your importance to one another. Dedicated time gives you both a chance to open up about your feelings and thoughts, and when you focus on the present moment, you’ll feel closer and more intimate. Your date night might end up being the thing you most look forward to every week. 

Consider Couples Counseling

There’s a common misconception that couples therapy is only for people who are in a rocky relationship. You don’t need to wait until you and your partner are having problems to enjoy the benefits of working with a therapist together. 

Couples therapy can help you improve communication, deal with any underlying issues, and provide more healthy and effective ways to strengthen your relationship if you’re having a hard time doing it on your own. 

If you want to prioritize your relationship and create a stronger foundation for the future, reach out to set up an appointment today for couples counseling. 

Effective Parenting Strategies for High Achievers

Encouraging your child to be a high achiever is different from expecting perfection or putting pressure on them that they can’t handle. It’s good to want what’s best for your child and to encourage them to reach their full potential, but it’s important to approach your parenting strategies the right way.

Maybe you’re a high achiever and you want to instill the same characteristics in your child. Or, maybe they’ve already gravitated toward being high-achieving individuals themselves.

Whatever the case, adopting the right strategies will make a big difference. You can help to boost their confidence and encourage them while allowing them to express themselves and enjoy the fun and growth that are part of growing up.

With that in mind, let’s look at a few effective parenting strategies for high achievers.

Be a Source of Constant Support

Your child should know from an early age that how they perform will never dictate how much you love them or how much you support them. Teach them about emotional intelligence rather than making your sole focus on performance.

By showing your support, no matter what, you’ll let your child know that their emotions matter. They will feel validated, whether they’re struggling or celebrating their successes. That can go a long way in building confidence. They’ll be more likely to try new things rather than stick to the activities they know they’re already good at.

Encourage a Growth Mindset

Speaking of your child trying new things, helping them foster a growth mindset will benefit them well into adulthood.

A growth mindset will allow your child to be a lifelong learner. They will develop more natural curiosities and a willingness to think outside the box. You can foster a love of learning from an early age, but make sure it goes beyond academics. Instead, focus on helping your child grow in every area of life so they can discover their true passions.

Let Them Fail

High achievers can be hard on themselves when they experience failure. But they will experience failure. Everyone does at some point.

As a parent, it can be hard to watch your child stumble, but it’s even more difficult to see them struggle with the aftermath.

Although it can be tempting to step in and fix things for them, try not to. Offer your help and support, but allow them to fail and learn from it. All failures should be a learning experience and an opportunity to grow. So, provide helpful advice and encouragement, but don’t step in to make their failures disappear.

Help Them Manage Stress

High achievers tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves. Some can even be perfectionists. So, it’s important to make sure your child knows how to manage their stress effectively.

Encouraging self-care practices is one of the best ways to help them with stress. Things like getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, and regularly exercising can make stress management a part of their everyday routine.

Teaching them the importance of mental self-care can also make a big difference. Journaling, mindfulness and meditation, and simply speaking up about their mental health can also help with stress.

Most importantly, encourage them to find a healthy balance between the work they want to accomplish and taking care of themselves. It can be a learning curve for both you and your child, but once they’re able to find that balance, it will be harder for stress to overwhelm them.

If you notice that your child is struggling to find a balance or their stress is becoming too much for them to handle, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. If your child takes advantage of therapy now, they’ll learn how to manage their mental well-being as adults while still reaching for their goals. Reach out us to learn more about family therapy.

People Pleasing Might Be Fueling Depression: Here's How

Most people don’t see it as a negative thing to be a people-pleaser. After all, what’s wrong with helping others or going out of your way to make sure the people in your life are happy? There's usually nothing wrong with that, but people-pleasing often goes far beyond simply helping people out or wanting to make the lives of others easier.

Multiple studies have shown that people-pleasing is often linked to depression. So, while you’re busy making other people feel happy, it could be damaging your mental well-being. Let’s take a closer look at the connection and what you can do to take charge of your mental health.

Overlooking Your Own Needs

When you prioritize the needs and wants of others over your own, you could be missing out on essential self-care practices.

People-pleasing can cause you to not have the time, energy, or resources to focus on your own needs because you’re giving everything you have to others. While helping people can be rewarding, it can’t be done at the expense of your well-being. As the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Eventually, you’ll be completely burned out. Not only will that impact your physical well-being, but mentally it can leave you feeling helpless, hopeless, and depressed.

Validation and Approval

It’s not uncommon for people-pleasers to struggle with insecurity or self-esteem issues. You might go out of your way for others in an attempt to get approval or to feel validated. Sometimes, people-pleasers can go so far as to view their self-worth based on the approval of others.

Additionally, people-pleasers tend to put their own dreams, desires, and interests aside in favor of doing what others might want. When you don’t give the things you love enough time and attention, you’re going to feel like you have nothing to look forward to. That, too, can lead to depression and feel incredibly isolating and unfulfilling.

Living in Fear

The need for validation often comes with a sense of fear or anxiety. People-pleasing and social anxiety can often be linked because they both stem from a fear of judgment. You might worry that if you don’t go out of your way to do things for people, they will think poorly of you. They might see you in a negative light or even talk about you behind your back.

Of course, these fears are rarely based on reality. But they can seem very real and overwhelming when you’re struggling with them. Fear, on its own, can trigger anxiety and depression, and when you add in the exhausting task of ignoring your needs for others, your depression is likely to become worse.

What Can You Do? 

It’s easy to think that you can just stop being a people-pleaser overnight. But you likely didn’t build this mindset quickly, and it’s going to take some time to change it — and your habits.

So, how can you stop being a people-pleaser and take charge of your mental health? Recognizing that it’s becoming a problem is the first step. When you see that your people-pleasing tendencies are negatively impacting you, it will be easier to start refraining from them.

Instead of giving in to the needs of others, try to spend more time focusing on what you need, especially if you’re dealing with depression. Make self-care a priority in your life, including activities like exercising, journaling, and practicing mindfulness. Self-care can help you recognize your worth, so you’re more likely to start taking care of your needs before worrying about the needs of others.

It can also be helpful to reach out to a mental health professional. There could be a deeper underlying cause when it comes to your people-pleasing, and learning where it stems from can be a great first step toward managing your depression and changing the way you act around others. If you feel like you need to reach out to someone, don't hesitate to contact us for an anxiety therapy appointment!

My Partner Has Alexithymia! 5 Ways You Can Help

Most people understand the importance of communication in a relationship. But, for someone with alexithymia, communication can be difficult, because they aren’t fully aware of their own emotions — or their partner’s emotions. 

Alexithymia is a condition in which a person has a hard time identifying their emotions or expressing them. It can create discomfort in and out of relationships, and cause that person to seem apathetic. Obviously, in a relationship, that isn’t what you want. 

Alexithymia can make it difficult for your partner to connect with your emotions, so you might think they’re somehow cold or that they don’t care. That couldn’t be further from the truth. People with alexithymia feel all of the same emotions as everyone else. They just have a harder time expressing them. 

So, what can you do to help?

1. Be Clear and Concise

Again, communication is a key component of a healthy relationship. Don’t give up on it just because of this condition. Instead, double down on your efforts and be clear and direct about your needs and wants. 

By directly telling your partner how you feel about something, there is less room for miscommunication or negative assumptions. Don’t assume that non-verbal cues will be effective, because they’re not likely to understand how you’re really feeling through subtle hints. 

2. Educate Yourself

Your partner might not know that they have alexithymia, especially if they’ve been feeling the same way most of their life. 

If you’ve noticed some of the signs of the condition, educate yourself further. Take a look at more of the common symptoms, causes, and effects. The more you educate yourself, the easier it will be to pass that knowledge onto your partner, so they can develop a better understanding of what they’re dealing with. Awareness doesn’t automatically fix everything, but it certainly helps. 

3. Help Them With Their Feelings

You have a unique opportunity to serve as your partner’s guide for feelings. While you have to tread lightly in “telling” them how they might be feeling, you can certainly guide them based on your observations to help them understand the name of an emotion. 

For example, it’s usually fairly easy to see when someone is angry or sad. Point those instances out to your partner. When you do, they’ll be able to identify the right emotion as it relates to what they’re feeling internally. 

4. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can actually make a big difference in your relationship. It can sometimes be challenging, being in a relationship with someone who has difficulty understanding and expressing their emotions. 

If you truly want to support and help them, you have to put yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

Take the time to incorporate relaxation efforts into your day. That could include mindfulness, meditation, or journaling. The less stressed you are, the more you’ll be able to help your partner work through this condition. 

5. Encourage Therapy

Therapy is a great way for your partner to learn more about their condition in a safe and judgment-free environment. 

Working with a therapist can also help them better understand where their alexithymia might have stemmed from, so they can start working on it from the ground up. They’ll learn better communication skills, and eventually be able to feel more in tune with their own emotions. 

Alexithymia can be difficult for both people in a relationship to deal with. But, it doesn’t have to create lasting turmoil or communication problems. Encourage your partner to contact me for couples counseling, and continue to support them however you can by being patient and helping them understand what they’re feeling.

How Is The Teen Brain Different?

Have you ever wondered what’s going on inside your teen’s mind? No, that’s not a rhetorical question. Teenagers tend to get stereotyped for the way they think and the actions they take. But, if you’ve ever thought that your teen isn’t thinking things through — you’re right. 

But, it’s not because they don’t want to. 

The teen brain is actually quite different from a full-fledged adult mind. Understanding those differences can help you better understand your teenager. It will also set you up to guide them in the right direction and foster healthy and effective growth as they get older. 

Let’s take a closer look at some of those differences, and how they impact the way your teen thinks. 

The Teen Brain Isn’t Fully Developed

It’s easy to assume that by the time your child hits their teenage years, their brain is fully formed. But, an area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until around the age of 25. 

This area of the brain is responsible for things like setting prioritizing, planning ahead, and decision-making. If your teen seems impulsive or finds temptation in new ideas easily, it could be because of the prefrontal cortex. 

You can help them by encouraging them to plan ahead and think things through as often as possible. While it won’t necessarily speed up the development of the brain, it will set them up for success as the prefrontal cortex continues to grow. They’ll be more likely to make smart, thought-out decisions as they enter adulthood. 

The Teen Brain is Adaptable

Because the teenage brain isn’t fully formed, it can be somewhat malleable. It’s influenced by social situations, personal experiences, and even challenging situations. 

One of the best things you can do for your teenager is to challenge them with new experiences that will help them grow. Creative endeavors, like playing music or participating in art, can help the brain to mature faster and respond positively to new or challenging situations in the future. 

The Teen Brain Handles Stress Differently

When you think back on your teenage years, you might remember them as the best time of your life. But, you undoubtedly dealt with stress, and your teenager is dealing with it right now. 

Unfortunately, teens don’t typically handle stress as well as adults. It can have a direct impact on their mental well-being, making them more susceptible to issues like depression or anxiety. 

As a parent, make sure you’re consistently checking in on your teen’s mental health. Make sure mental wellness is a frequent topic at home, so you can get rid of any stigma your teen might have exposure to. When they learn the importance of mental wellness early on, they’ll be more likely to take those skills with them into adulthood. 

Understanding the Teenage Brain

One of the greatest aspects of the teenage brain is that it’s quite resilient. So, even if your teen does struggle with mental health issues or has a hard time dealing with stress, don’t assume the worst. 

There are things you can do to help them work through those issues and prioritize their mental health. Take comfort in the fact that their resiliency can help them bounce back from symptoms of extreme sadness, fear, or even hopelessness. While you can’t change things for them, you can serve as a support system along the way. 

So, the next time you wonder what might be going on in your teenager’s head, understand that their brain doesn’t work the same way yours does, but it’s changing and adapting all the time. When you recognize how those differences impact your teen, you can support their learning journey and take pride in watching them grow. 

Reach out to us to learn more about family therapy.