Attachment Trauma: How Early Pain Shows Up in Adult Life

Attachments are developed very early in life. Even as a baby, you should ideally form a secure attachment with your parents or caregivers. Secure attachments help with emotional regulation and self-esteem, and they create a solid foundation for healthy relationships as a child gets older.

Unfortunately, not every child experiences that kind of security.

Some deal with attachment trauma from a young age, and the pain of that trauma can leave a lasting impact. You might not remember everything you went through as a child, but recognizing how early pain shows up in adult life can help you make the connection.

With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at the lingering effects of attachment trauma and how your childhood experiences might still be affecting you today.

Relationship Problems

One of the biggest issues those with attachment trauma face is difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships. If you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, you might have a hard time trusting others. It can lead to a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, which are necessary when it comes to healthy communication.

Attachment trauma can also create codependency in relationships. You might find that you rely on others for constant validation, and your self-worth is found in other people’s approval. That leads to imbalances in relationships and could put you at risk of emotional abuse if someone were to take advantage of you.

Mental Health Issues

In addition to affecting your relationships, early pain from childhood can wreak havoc on your psychological well-being.

People who experience attachment trauma are often at a greater risk of developing anxiety or depression. You might have a difficult time managing stress, especially while struggling with feelings of guilt or shame associated with your trauma.

Again, people with attachment trauma also tend to have a hard time with emotional regulation. You might not recognize or understand many of your own feelings. Obviously, that can be frustrating, but it can also impact your self-esteem as well as your interpersonal relationships. Emotional regulation plays a huge part in everyday life. Feeling as though you don’t understand your feelings or know how to express them properly can perpetuate a vicious cycle of mental health issues.

Self-Perception

Attachment trauma tends to do more than impact your self-esteem. While you might see yourself in a negative light, it can also cause you to struggle in other ways. For example, you might have trouble with healthy boundaries.

An unstable foundation makes it difficult to establish those boundaries in relationships. Again, that opens you up to things like emotional abuse and imbalances within your relationships.

People who deal with emotional dysregulation caused by attachment trauma are also more likely to be impulsive. You might engage in behaviors without thinking them through as a way of coping with things, including the way you see yourself.

Physical Symptoms

Attachment trauma affects your mental well-being, but it can also manifest itself physically throughout your life. Research has suggested a correlation between attachment trauma and things like chronic pain, headaches, and even digestive issues. Unprocessed trauma can also contribute to chronic fatigue.

If you tend to experience regular pain or discomfort and can’t come up with a medical reason, it’s important to look at your past and what might be causing it.

Breaking Free from Attachment Trauma

No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to find peace from the pain you experienced early in life. While things like self-care and support are essential, therapy is often the best way to truly heal.

Trauma therapy can help you better understand where and how your trauma started, while providing the skills you need for emotional regulation and more.

If you’re ready to break free from the attachment issues you experienced as a child, I’m happy to help you on that journey. Contact me today to set up an appointment.

Game Changer: The Benefits of Sports Counseling for Athletes

Athletes need to spend a lot of time training. If you play a sport, you’re likely no stranger to spending hours in the gym, watching your diet, and doing whatever it takes to be the best you can be.

However, it’s essential that athletes train their mental health, too. That’s why sports counseling is such an incredible resource for those who play sports on a regular basis, including professionally.

Sports counseling falls under the umbrella of sports psychology. It is designed to address mental health issues in athletes, including anxiety or depression. Beyond that, it can help athletes develop the mental skills needed to perform better.

Let’s take a closer look at the benefits of sports counseling for athletes. If you’ve never tried it before, it might be time to take that step to change your game.

Better Performance

Again, as an athlete, you likely already do whatever you can to improve your performance in your sport. But, that goes beyond the walls of the gym and your nutrition plans.

Sports counseling helps you develop focus and can improve your concentration. If you’re struggling with a certain aspect of your game or can’t seem to get past a plateau, counseling can even help you to focus on those specific challenges. You will learn visualization techniques that will help you prepare for your next game or competition.

Stress Management

Nothing can get in the way of excelling at your sport like stress. Athletes often deal with a lot of pressure, and no one else knows what you’re going through in your personal life.

Sports counseling can help you learn how to manage that stress effectively. Not only will you be able to cope with pressure in healthier ways, but you can learn how to reduce stress in your everyday life, as well.

As you start to cope with pressure, you’ll also be able to boost your confidence. Sports counseling fosters a greater sense of self-belief. Not only will you be more confident when it’s time to perform, but you’ll become more resilient when things don’t go your way.

Healthier Coping Mechanisms

Participating in a sport impacts your heart and soul. That’s why so many memorable sports moments get people emotional. It’s important to be able to regulate your emotions through training, playing, winning, and losing.

Sports counseling can teach you to manage your emotions, whether you’re frustrated, angry, or disappointed. Being able to understand and handle these emotions more effectively will make it easier to keep looking forward. It will also make it easier to overcome mental barriers and blockages that could be hurting your performance.

Realistic Goal Setting

Every athlete wants to be the best, but if your goals are unrealistic, you’re going to end up letting yourself down and getting frustrated. By working with a counselor, you can focus on realistic goal setting, which will improve your motivation and keep you focused on specific aspirations.

This process will also give you a mental health boost. By setting smaller, attainable goals, you’ll feel a sense of pride and accomplishment each time you reach one. That helps to build confidence, reduce the risk of burnout, and give you the motivation you need to move on to the next goal.

Is Sports Counseling Right for You?

Sports counseling is a holistic approach to overall wellness. As an athlete, you shouldn’t solely be focused on how you can improve your physical form to get better in your sport. By prioritizing your mental health as well, you’ll lead a more balanced life, and might discover a renewed spark for your sport that has been lacking for a while.

If you’re interested in learning more about sports counseling, contact me for a consultation soon.

Working Together: The Power of Counseling for Blended Families

It can be a wonderful thing to find love again and remarry after losing a spouse or going through a divorce. However, when you both have children, there’s no denying that bringing your two families together can come with some unique challenges.

Blended families are more common than ever, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to assume that everyone will be comfortable or get along right away without a little bit of time and effort.

Thankfully, there are things you can do to foster better communication and togetherness as you get used to your blended family. One of the best options is to try counseling together. Let’s take a closer look at the power of counseling for blended families, and how working together can make a big difference.

Counseling and Communication

One of the biggest benefits of counseling for blended families is that it will teach healthy communication skills. Family members will have the opportunity to express themselves and their needs and feelings in a safe, open setting. They’ll be able to speak without judgment, which will make it easier for everyone to understand if there are any underlying issues to address.

Everyone can also learn how to improve their personal communication skills. Things like active listening, using “I” statements, and not shying away from vulnerability are all things that can improve the togetherness of your blended family.

Stronger communication can also help to improve conflict resolution within your family unit. It’s not always easy to effectively navigate disagreements, especially when you’re trying to avoid things like choosing sides or dismissing one person’s feelings and catering to someone else’s.

Counseling will make it easier to work through conflicts with respect and communication, so everyone can feel more at ease when they open up moving forward.

Strengthening Relationships

It’s a big goal in counseling for blended families to strengthen all relationships. Counseling can help everyone in the family develop greater empathy toward one another. They can foster a better sense of understanding and get to know things about “new” family members that they might not have found out on their own.

Additionally, counseling can help to strengthen your parental alliance with your new spouse. It can be difficult for a recently married couple to know how to navigate the relationships with their biological children and step-children. Counseling can help you learn how to work together to create the most supportive environment for everyone in the family.

Promoting Wellness for Everyone

If anyone in the family is dealing with extra stress, anxiety, or other mental health struggles, counseling can bring those issues to the forefront and help each individual work through them before they become worse.

However, you don’t have to wait for a “problem” to arise in your blended family to seek out the benefits of counseling. It’s a great way to help your family members prioritize self-care, both as individuals and as a family unit. Counseling can open up doors for mental health help now and in the future, so family members feel more comfortable seeking out support if they’re struggling.

Next Steps

In a perfect world, blended families wouldn’t face any challenges. However, even if your children get along most of the time, things might not always be harmonious, and it’s important to know how to tackle those challenges in ways that are fair to everyone. Open communication, conflict resolution, and a safe and healthy environment can help. Family counseling can help you get there.

If you want to learn more or you’re ready to set up an appointment for your family, reach out today for more information. This can be a great way to start out this new chapter of your lives on the right foot.

The Science Behind Depression: How It Affects Your Brain

Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in the world. As such, many people have a basic idea of what it is and what it can look like. However, there is more to this mental health condition than you might realize.

Depression isn’t just “extreme sadness” that someone can turn on and off. The condition has a direct impact on your brain, which can make it difficult to overcome without the right kind of help.

Understanding the science behind depression and how it affects your brain can help you make sense of your symptoms. More importantly, it can serve as the motivation you need to seek out professional help.

A Change in Brain Structure

Depression can have a direct impact on the way your brain works and its overall structure. For starters, some studies have suggested that depression can lead to a decrease in gray matter. Gray matter is responsible for sensory regulation and information processing.

Areas of the brain that are most heavily impacted by depression include the hippocampus, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex. Depression can cause the hippocampus to shrink, leading to memory and learning issues. It can lead to emotional dysregulation by contributing to an overactive amygdala. Finally, it can make it difficult to process information and make decisions with the way it affects the prefrontal cortex. Obviously, these changes can be frustrating and even a bit scary until you understand the gravity of what you’re dealing with.

Imbalances in the Brain

Not only does depression change the way your brain functions, but it can also cause neurotransmitter imbalances that perpetuate negative, hopeless thoughts.

For example, changes in serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain affect everything from mood and motivation to feelings of sadness. When these are imbalanced, it can make the symptoms of depression much worse and cause extreme sadness.

Unfortunately, again, things are cyclical. The worse your depression becomes, the more likely it is for your neurotransmitters to be off balance. The more off-balance they are, the harder it can be to overcome the problems they’re creating within the mind.

Disrupted Connections

Studies have shown that chronic depression can lead to “noisy” communication between nerve cells. Imagine you’re trying to have a conversation with someone, and you can’t quite hear them or keep getting distracted because of blaring music washing over you.

Noisy communication can disrupt mood regulation and, again, make the symptoms of depression feel even heavier. It can make you more susceptible to mood swings and cause the weight of your depression to feel even heavier in certain situations, simply because your mind isn’t able to properly regulate your emotional responses.

What Can You Do?

The good news is that the changes in your brain caused by depression don’t have to be permanent. It’s possible to heal with the right treatment. Treatment will help restore brain function while improving your symptoms.

The better news is that depression is often very treatable. However, it’s not something you have to tackle on your own. Self-care practices can help. Things like getting enough sleep, staying physically active, and being around people who lift you up, rather than isolating yourself, can all make symptom management easier.

However, getting to the root of your depression and working from the ground up is often the best way to fight back against it. Working with a depression counselor makes that possible and helps to remind you that you aren’t fighting alone. Counseling will give you greater inside into where your depression stems from while helping you with symptom management.

If you’re interested in learning more about how counseling can help improve your depression or you have any other questions, contact me today for a consultation.

Examining Social Anxiety and Its Underlying Causes

Anxiety is not a one-size-fits-all issue. While generalized anxiety disorder is common, some are not anxious about everything. Rather, specific situations and settings lead to uncertainty and fear.

That tends to be the case for those with social anxiety — an intense fear of social situations.

People with social anxiety deal with excessive worry about being judged or criticized. They might always think people are talking about them behind their backs. Or, they might go to the worst-case scenario when thinking about a social situation, even if those thoughts may not be realistic.

Social anxiety can be crippling and isolating, and even lead to other mental health issues. With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at social anxiety and some of its underlying causes.

What Does Social Anxiety Look Like?

Again, social anxiety refers to an intense fear of social situations. That can look slightly different from person to person. Some people with social anxiety will avoid events altogether and isolate themselves as much as possible in an effort to “avoid judgment.” Others might deal with physical symptoms in social situations, from sweating and trembling to a racing heart.

Many people with social anxiety have a fear of engaging with others. They worry they might say something wrong or be viewed in a negative light. So, they may not make eye contact or speak up, even if they have something to say.

Sound familiar? If so, you are certainly not alone. Social anxiety affects millions of people in the U.S. alone, but the causes can vary from person to person. While exact causes cannot be exactly pinned down, we are aware of some of the potential factors.

Genetics

There is not a social anxiety gene that passes from one family to another. However, if you have a family history of anxiety disorders of any kind, you might be more susceptible to social anxiety.

If you are naturally more prone to shyness or tend to be more anxious, in general, your vulnerability to social anxiety is greater. This is something that can be “learned” by your familial environment as you grow up if your parents or caregivers struggle with the same issues.

Environmental Factors

Many people with social anxiety develop it as a result of the world around them and the experiences they go through. That can stem all the way back to childhood. If you were bullied, ridiculed, or criticized, your social anxiety could have started at a very young age.

Trauma and abuse can also lead to social anxiety, as well as family dynamics. For example, if your parents had unrealistic expectations of you or there was high criticism in your upbringing, it could have caused you to be anxious about social settings.

Mental Imbalances

Sometimes, chemical imbalances in the brain can trigger social anxiety. For example, if you are not producing enough serotonin, it can increase your risk of developing anxious thoughts. That can contribute to generalized anxiety, but might also make you more fearful of social settings and potentially being judged by others.

What Can You Do?

The good news about understanding the potential causes of social anxiety is that it allows you to be one step closer to healing from it.

There are things you can do on your own to manage the symptoms of social anxiety, including self-care practices and mindfulness. Mindfulness allows you to stay grounded in the present while reducing your stress, so you’re less likely to let fear overtake your thoughts.

One of the best ways to overcome social anxiety is to work with a mental health professional. Anxiety counseling will help you dig deeper into any root causes. You can use these as starting points on your healing journey, then learn to manage your symptoms, and eventually overcome the fear that is keeping you from having a full social life. If you are ready, I am here to help. Contact me today for a consultation.

High-Functioning Anxiety: Understanding Signs and Causes

Anxiety is the most common mental health issue in the world, but it does not necessarily impact everyone in the same way. Some people struggle so much with anxious thoughts that they find it hard to get through the day or perform the most basic tasks.

Others have what is known as high-functioning anxiety. While the fears and worries are still there and might be just as intense, those with high-functioning anxiety are typically able to maintain some kind of daily routine and sense of normalcy — at least on the surface.

So what exactly is high-functioning anxiety? Here is an in-depth look, including potential causes and signs you should look for.

What Causes High-Functioning Anxiety?

High-functioning anxiety usually does not stem from a single underlying cause. Rather, there are several factors that can come into play that might make someone more likely to experience it.

Genetics

It starts with a genetic predisposition. If members of your family have dealt with anxiety in the past, you might be more at risk of developing it yourself. However, environmental factors typically trigger anxiety and how you respond to it. Everything from stressful life events to societal pressures can cause anxious thoughts.

Perfectionism

It is not uncommon for people who consider themselves to be perfectionists to deal with high-functioning anxiety. You might look like you have everything together on the surface, but your perfectionism is driven by fear and worry.

Childhood

Unfortunately, high-functioning anxiety can also be triggered by childhood experiences. Maybe you had parents or caregivers with high expectations — or unrealistic ones. Feeling the constant pressure to perform or do well can cause any child to be anxious, and it’s not uncommon to carry those worries with you into adulthood, even though you maintain those high expectations for yourself.

What Are the Signs?

• High-functioning anxiety can impact you emotionally and behaviorally. On the inside, you might struggle with symptoms like excessive worry, a fear of failure, and irritability. It might seem like you are constantly on edge or you have a hard time relaxing.

• Externally, high-functioning anxiety can make it difficult to concentrate. You might overthink everything, leading to procrastination and avoidance. At the same time, you might have a difficult time saying “no” and end up taking on more than you can handle.

• Again, it is not uncommon for people with high-functioning anxiety to be perfectionists. However, they also tend to struggle with “imposter syndrome.” If you worry you are not good enough or somehow fooling everyone into thinking more highly of you than you actually are, it can lead to even more anxious thoughts.

• It is often difficult for people with high-functioning anxiety to express their emotions. They are often worried about letting people down, or they need constant reassurance. So, talking about struggles can be difficult.

What Can You Do?

If the signs of high-functioning anxiety sound familiar, the best thing you can do for yourself is to reach out for help. Even if you can get through your days and check off your tasks, you should not have to live with underlying fear and worry for the rest of your life. It will take a toll on your physical and mental health, affect your relationships, and have a negative effect on your quality of life.

Anxiety therapy can give you a better idea of where your anxiety stems from. Learning the root of your high-functioning anxiety will give you a better understanding of why you feel the way you do, so you can start taking positive steps forward. You will learn how to better manage your symptoms and take control of your anxious thoughts.

If you’re ready to take that step and live a life without anxiety at the wheel, contact us for a consultation.

What Is Brainspotting and What Is It Used For?

Dealing with any kind of trauma, negative thoughts, or invasive memories can have a huge impact on your overall quality of life. You might start to think you will never be able to move forward without the lasting side effects of your traumatic experience.

Thankfully, there are a variety of modalities that can help you process trauma, stress, anxiety, and more. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all option. Maybe you’ve looked into other types of therapies in the past, or you might have tried one or two, only to find that they didn’t have the effect you had hoped for.

If that’s the case, it might be time to consider brainspotting. It’s a science-backed psychotherapy technique that focuses on the connection between your central nervous system and how it could be impacting your mental health.

Let’s take a closer look at brainspotting and what it’s used for.

Digging Deeper Into Brainspotting

Brainspotting is a form of talk therapy and you’ll work with your therapist to discuss certain thoughts, memories, and experiences. However, it focuses more on the connection between those experiences and where they are being stored in the brain.

Through the brainspotting process, your therapist will use specific eye positions (brainspots) to identify unprocessed traumas stored in the brain. By fixating on each individual brain spot, you and your therapist will be able to work through those traumas or thoughts. You will uncover the challenges they’re causing and learn how to process them effectively.

How Does It Work?

When your eyes are focused on a specific spot, your therapist will encourage you to focus on how you feel. They’ll want you to pay attention to any bodily sensations, feelings of tension, or even things like changes in the way you’re breathing. This activates the area of the brain responsible for processing emotions.

Brainspotting taps into the midbrain, which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response. It’s also the area of the brain that stores traumatic memories. If those memories or thoughts aren’t released, it can cause you to feel like you’re in a constant state of distress. You might also feel like you’re always in a heightened state of fear.

What to Expect in a Session

As you remain focused on a specific brainspot, you might start to experience emotions, images, or even flashbacks of a traumatic event. While that isn’t necessarily an easy thing to think about, it’s the best way to release those emotions so you can start to process them.

Your therapist might use specific techniques to make processing these emotions easier, such as bilateral stimulation. Brainspotting takes a bottom-up approach. While it is a form of talk therapy, it focuses on bodily sensations first. It’s designed to dig deeper into the areas of the brain that you might not access on your own simply by talking about your experiences.

Who Is It for?

Brainspotting can be an extremely effective therapy for anyone who has experienced trauma or someone who is dealing with PTSD. However, it can also help with complex trauma, anxiety, depression, and even addiction issues.

If you are someone who doesn’t want to spend a lot of time sharing details about a traumatic event or you have a difficult time talking about it, brainspotting could be one of the best therapeutic options for you, especially if opening up has been an obstacle in the past.

Because some people consider brainspotting to be relatively new, it is understandable to have some questions. I’m happy to provide more information. Reach out to my office to set up a consultation for trauma counseling and work through those questions before starting treatment.

Healing Through Creativity: The Power of Art Therapy

There is not a one-size-fits-all option when it comes to therapy. What works for some people might not be as effective for others. No matter what you may be dealing with, from anxiety to depression or something completely different, it is important to walk on a healing journey that meets your needs.

So, it should come as no surprise that many people seek out alternatives to traditional therapy modalities. One popular option is art therapy.

Art therapy can be a powerful tool, allowing individuals to express themselves creatively and emotionally on their own timeline and their own terms. You do not need to be a great artist to benefit from this type of therapy. You only need to be open to its healing power.

Below is a closer look at what art therapy really is and how it can help you on your healing journey.

What Is Art Therapy?

Art therapy involves creating artistic pieces to help people explore and express their emotions. It can involve things like painting, drawing, or sculpting, and is done in a guided setting that meets the specific needs of each person.

It is not easy for everyone to fully understand their emotions. Even if you recognize some of your emotions, you might have a hard time expressing your feelings with words. Art therapy gives you the opportunity to express those things through your creations. You might even end up surprising yourself with what comes to life on paper or what you bring to life in a sculpture.

The focus of art therapy is not to judge your artistic skill. Rather, it focuses on the psychological and emotional aspects of expressing yourself through different outlets. Your therapist will guide you through that process, but you will have a lot of freedom to express yourself naturally.

What Are the Benefits?

There are countless benefits to this type of therapy. It provides a safe and unique place to express complex emotions or to learn more about what you are feeling in the moment. That might include things like depression, anger, or grief. It can also make it easier to process a traumatic experience.

You do not necessarily have to be struggling with major mental health issues to benefit from art therapy. Some people use it as a way to build their confidence and self-esteem, or to really discover who they are and what they want out of life.

Art therapy can also help to improve cognitive function. It is a great way to boost your attention span, foster problem-solving skills, and improve your memory.

Finally, it can be a great way to improve your social connections. Isolation and loneliness are huge problems for so many people and they can lead to issues like anxiety or depression. Many art therapy sessions are done in groups, so you can connect with people who might be experiencing similar emotions, or people who want to share more about themselves.

Who Benefits the Most?

Like almost every other type of mental health treatment, art therapy is not for everyone. But, it is a safe and unique way to express yourself, especially if you have not seen much success in more traditional forms of therapy.

If you have a hard time opening up verbally, if you have always loved being creative, or if you are looking for a way to dig deeper into your core values and sense of self without any pressure or timeline, art therapy might be for you.

If you are interested in learning more about what to expect from art therapy or how it can help you heal, I’m happy to answer any questions. Feel free to contact me to set up a consultation, and together we will unfold the healing power of art and creativity.

A Closer Look at Trauma and How It Affects the Brain

Most people understand that trauma can wreak havoc on your mental well-being—but it is so much more than just living with negative memories or fearful flashbacks. Traumatic experiences can actually change the chemistry and structure of your brain, leaving a lasting impact that is hard to heal from on your own.

The effects of trauma can linger for years because of these brain alterations, causing problems in everything from your career to your relationships.

Understanding how trauma affects the brain can be the necessary first step in coming to terms with your experience and seeking out the help you deserve. Here is a closer look at the changes your brain can go through after a traumatic event, and what you can do to start healing.

Boosted Amygdala Activity

The amygdala is the area of the brain responsible for processing your emotions—including fear. When you experience a traumatic event, the amygdala is not just triggered. It can become overly reactive. Essentially, your “fight-or-flight” response is on nearly all of the time. This causes heightened anxiety and can make you feel like there are threats everywhere, even when there are not.

While your brain’s response to fear is a survival mechanism, it is not something that is meant to be “on” all the time. If you start to react with impulse to perceived threats or you are always on alert, it is likely to cause a lot of stress and anxiety in your life.

A Blow to the Hippocampus

The hippocampus is responsible for memory storage and consolidation. Trauma can make it difficult for the hippocampus to work properly, so you might struggle with creating new memories.

If you have heard of trauma causing flashbacks and nightmares, that is also due to a dysfunction within the hippocampus. You are more likely to experience flashbacks of what happened to you. Because your new memories might not be getting stored properly, those flashbacks can often seem very real, making you feel like the traumatic experience is happening all over again.

Prefrontal Cortex Problems

The prefrontal cortex controls rational thinking and problem-solving within the brain. When you have experienced trauma, it can become less effective. That can make it difficult to think things through, overcome challenges, or see the bigger picture of a problem.

Children and teens do not have a fully developed prefrontal cortex. How do they think about things? They often lead with emotions and are not always thinking about the long-term consequences of their actions. The same problem can happen when your prefrontal cortex becomes less effective. Unfortunately, as an adult, having trouble concentrating or problem-solving can create issues in your relationships, your career, and more.

Healing the Brain

It can be scary and overwhelming to think that your brain changes after a traumatic experience. But, with the right treatment and support, you can heal from the effects of trauma and retrain your brain to work the way it should again.

There are many things you can do on your own to promote healing in your daily life. Self-care practices, mindfulness, meditation, and journaling are all great ways to start fighting back against the effects of trauma—including negative invasive thoughts.

The best way to walk through your healing journey is to work with a mental health professional. Trauma therapy can help you dig into the core of your trauma. When you learn where it stems from, you can start to challenge the negative thoughts while managing your symptoms more effectively. All the while, you will be healing the impact of trauma on your brain, so things will start to work normally once again.

If you are ready to take that step or you want to learn more, feel free to contact my office for a consultation.

Complicated Grief: What to Know and How to Heal

Almost everyone will experience grief at some point in life. We all go through periods of loss, and grief can come from more than just losing someone you love. It can happen when you lose a job, sell a home, or make another major life change.

Complicated grief, however, is a bit different. It’s an ongoing, heightened sense of mourning. This kind of grief often prevents the person dealing with it from fully healing and moving forward with their life.

What causes complicated grief, and how is it different? More importantly, what can you do to heal and find peace when you’re dealing with it? Let’s take a closer look.

What Causes Complicated Grief?

There isn’t one underlying cause that creates complicated grief. Rather, it typically has to do with several factors, including the type of loss you’re experiencing and your mental health state or history.

For example, complicated grief is more likely to occur when there’s an unexpected or shocking death, like a tragic accident or suicide. Experiencing multiple losses at once can also contribute to this kind of grief.

On a personal level, everything from a history of anxiety or depression, or negative childhood experiences, to social isolation can increase your risk of experiencing complicated grief. These factors often make it more likely to develop a preoccupation with the loss you’re experiencing, so it’s hard to think about anything else, let alone move forward.

What Are the Symptoms?

On the surface, the symptoms of complicated grief look similar to “normal” grief. But you’re likely to experience more intense, harmful feelings that can quickly have a negative impact on your quality of life.

Complicated grief creates intense emotional pain. You’re likely to experience longing, loneliness, sadness, and potentially even anger or guilt. Some people struggle with identity disruption. You might feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself and you don’t know who you are.

It usually doesn’t take long for the effects of complicated grief to impact nearly every area of life. You might have trouble simply getting through the day and functioning the way you should. It can cause sleep disturbances, physical health problems like a loss of appetite, and even suicidal thoughts.

How Can You Heal?

When you’re dealing with complicated grief, the weight of your emotions can often feel overwhelming. Don’t try to sweep those feelings under the rug. Acknowledging them is the first step toward healing. Be patient with yourself and show self-compassion. When you stop trying to fight your feelings, you can start to work through them.

But don’t do it alone.

Complicated grief can cause you to want to isolate yourself, but that’s likely to make your symptoms worse. Grief therapy is often the best way to work through this type of grief and finally find some peace. Through the therapeutic experience, you’ll learn how to process your emotions, work through negative thoughts, and discover healthy coping mechanisms that will help you with everyday symptoms.

Therapy also helps you set realistic goals for yourself. You can break down the healing process into smaller pieces so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming. When you reach each small goal, it can provide a boost of confidence and give you the motivation you need to continue your journey.

Therapy will also encourage you to practice self-care. Doing at least one thing to promote your well-being each day can make a big difference in how you feel, physically and mentally. Self-care practices will help you see how important it is to truly heal and start the next chapter of your life.

Dealing with any kind of loss is never easy, but complicated grief shouldn’t keep you from truly living your life. If you’re ready to start healing, feel free to reach out today.

Tips for Communicating Effectively as a Family

It can seem like some families just “click” when it comes to communication. Everyone is open and honest and has no problems showing vulnerability. But that is not the case for everyone.

Family communication does not always come naturally. Personalities can be a factor, as well as family history or simply the dynamic everyone grew up with, but ignoring communication issues within your family will only make matters worse. It is important to be able to communicate with each other in healthy, effective ways that will carry on to the next generation.

With that in mind, here are some tips you can use to communicate effectively as a family so you can start putting them into practice right away.

Be an Active Listener

Communication is a two-way street. While being able to talk about your feelings and needs is important, it is just as essential to be a good listener.

Listening and hearing are two different things. To be an active listener, eliminate distractions when a family member is trying to talk to you. Give them the time and space they need to express themselves, and make sure your attention is on them.

Use verbal and nonverbal cues to let them know that you are listening. Ask questions and repeat statements as needed. This kind of listening will help that person feel understood and valued. Not only will it improve communication, but it will make them more likely to be an active listener when you speak, too.

Use “I” Statements

It can be easy to play the blame game in relationships — including familial ones, but even if a family member is hurting or challenging you in some way, try to avoid pointing fingers.

Instead of suggesting that they are in the wrong, use “I” statements to let them know how you feel about the issue. Chances are, your family is not trying to hurt you or cause problems on purpose. When they know how things are affecting you, the negative actions are more likely to stop.

Shift Perspective

One of the great things about families is that they are made up of many different personalities. Of course, that can also be what causes everyone to clash sometimes.

Empathy is an important communication tool, especially when it comes to dealing with family members. Try to shift your perspective and think about how other family members might be thinking or feeling. When you acknowledge those feelings, you can respond with compassion and respect.

Individual Communication Styles

You are not always going to have big family meetings with everyone involved. While it can be great to get multiple people together as often as possible, most of your interactions with family members will probably be one-on-one.

So, try to learn and understand everyone’s different communication styles. Everyone has unique needs and feelings. By focusing on those things while communicating with one person at a time, you can adjust your own communication style to meet those needs. Doing so is likely to result in a better, more open experience for all parties during every conversation.

Reach Out for Help

Again, family communication is important, but it is not always easy. If you feel like there are roadblocks keeping you from healthy, effective communication with your family, you do not have to work through them alone.

Family therapy is a great way to better understand why those roadblocks are there. What caused them, and what can you do about them? You will learn more about your own communication style and needs, and healthy ways to show vulnerability and open up around your family. Feel free to reach out for more information or to set up a consultation soon.

How Common Is Infidelity? Exploring the Prevalence and Impact in Modern Relationships

Most people recognize cheating in relationships as a negative thing, but that doesn’t necessarily stop them from doing it. In fact, recent studies have shown that infidelity in modern relationships is fairly common.

About 20% of men and 13% of women have reported cheating on a partner. While there are countless factors that can play into infidelity, those statistics might be a bit shocking to some.

So, why do people cheat? Why is infidelity so common, and what impact is it having on today’s relationships?

The Monogamy Argument

Some people argue that monogamy is natural for humans, but that might not necessarily be true. Most species in the animal kingdom do not mate for life, with a few exceptions — including, supposedly, humans.

People argue the validity of monogamy using many different factors to back them up. Often, Biblical arguments are used, but so many major figures of the Bible had multiple wives and tended to practice more polygamous lifestyles.

There is not some kind of test that can be performed to determine if humans are naturally monogamous or not, but one might argue that if we are, why is infidelity such a major issue? Why is it the subject of so many movies, television shows, and songs? Why do we spend so much time talking about it, thinking about it, and dissecting it? It is something on our minds and something we want to learn more about, so the idea of staying with one person for life might not be as “natural” as some people think.

Why Do People Cheat?

Again, there are countless reasons why people decide to commit adultery in a relationship. Some of the most common causes include unmet needs (physical or emotional), poor communication, self-esteem issues, attachment issues, or the desire for something new.

Infidelity is a different experience for everyone. Some people specifically seek out new relationships as something different and exciting. Others find opportunity in the least-expected places and take advantage of it.

A Slippery Slope

Some people today do not believe that humans are naturally monogamous, so they are completely okay with the idea of an open relationship. They might have a committed partner, but both people are free to date others, and even be intimate with others.

While both partners are not necessarily cheating, by their own definitions, these actions can still take a toll on the relationship.

The Impact of Infidelity

No matter the reason, there is no denying that infidelity can take a toll on a relationship. First, it impacts trust. If you are in a committed relationship and you cheat on your partner, it will be extremely difficult for them to trust you again. If someone cheats on you, that lack of trust might carry over into future relationships.

Cheating can also lead to mental health issues like depression or anxiety. You might start to feel insecure and carry those worries with you into other areas of life.

Even in an open relationship, your partner being with someone else can wreak havoc on your mental well-being. You might start to wonder why they prefer that person over you. It can impact your self-esteem and the way you carry yourself. Whether you stay in that relationship or not, viewing yourself in a negative light can create attachment or dependency issues and foster unhealthy relationship habits.

No matter how you feel about infidelity or how common it is, there’s no denying the negative impact it can have on relationships and individuals. If you are struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, being able to talk to someone is key. Do not hesitate to reach out for help and schedule a consultation for couples therapy soon.